Burdens
by RaptorChicky
Summary: One shot. Sessy POV. I can't think of a good summary, but read and review it anyway! PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU!!


**Burdens**

Liza

            A/N:  Yay!  The Fan Fic Fairy bopped me with her "Wand of Writing" again!  Don't know if there's other fics out there like this, so, sorry!  Don't mean to swipe your stuff!

            Summary:  I can't think of a good one.  Just read the dang thing!

            Review:  Hell, yes!!  If you don't, I'll make the Fan Fic Fairy hit you with her "Wand of Writer's Block."  Same goes for you mean flamers…actually, I'd make her use her "Wand of Uber-Butt Whup" on you people.

            FYI:  I got some "internal debates" going on here.  This: —blah— represents Fluffy's "conscience" (if he even HAS one…), while this:  _blah,blah represents his…um…heck it's the side Fluffy lets out to play.  Happy reading!_

           I've been accused of being many things over my centuries of existence:  cold-hearted, cruel, indifferent, sadistic, and just being an overall bastard.  But never before have I been accused of being an idiot.  I prefer to leave that honor to my mongrel half brother.  Unfortunately, after today, the term "idiot" can apply to me…

            It could have been idiocy or simple pride that made me do what I did.  It doesn't matter, really, as is the line between the two is very thin, if existent at all.  Pride, because I refused to believe that hanyou had mastered my father's sword.  Idiocy, in the simple fact that I went after the Tetsusaiga yet again, knowing full well what would happen if Inuyasha attacked.

            And now I'm paying the price for my prideful stupidity.

            When I had awakened, I found myself washed up on a muddy riverbank, like I was a worthless piece of driftwood.  I dragged myself away from the muck and had taken shelter beneath a large shade tree.  My second encounter with the Wind Scar had left me looking like a low-level demon, not the powerful inu-taiyoukai that I am.  My silver hair is tangled and filthy, my armor in pieces, and my robes are ripped and torn, smeared with mud and my own blood.  My battered face must match my clothes.

—It could be much worse, you know.  You could be dead, killed by you little brother.  And you would be, if it wasn't for the Tensaiga saving your ass.—

            Yes.  The Tensaiga.  It had saved my life a second time.  I still can't understand why Father gave me the Tensaiga and the Tetsusaiga to Inuyasha.  He's the one who could put the Tensaiga to better use than I;  Inuyasha cares for those mortals more than I do, and he's constantly getting into situations that puts his worthless life at risk.

—Awwww.   Big strong taiyoukai cares about baby brother.—

            _I. Do. Not.  If the hanyou gets killed, the Tetsusaiga might be destroyed along with him.  What good is a shattered blade?_

            Staring absently at the thin stream of blood that I've left behind, I lean against the sturdy trunk of the oak.  Above me, the sun is nearly hidden below the horizon—I must have been out for some time.  I have nothing more constructive to do, so I resign myself to wait here, to recuperate a little and attempt to regain my dignity;  Jakken is undoubtedly frantically searching for me, with Ah-Un and Rin in tow.  A small smile tugs at my mouth as I picture my retainer shouting my name, getting his robes in a twist over his Sesshoumaru-sama.

            Sesshoumaru-sama…

            Rin.

            The smile disappears.  Rin must be terrified—I made sure that she didn't see my confrontation with Inuyasha, but she might have heard us, and now her Sesshoumaru-sama is missing…

—Why should you care whether or not that girl is frightened?  Thought you could care less about humans.—

_Silence.  I do not desire your counsel._

            I squeeze my eyes shut.  I sincerely wish I could close off that part of myself, that part humans call a "conscience," something that's been getting louder ever since I used the Tensaiga to revive that girl.  It's not like I can just remove it, like, what say…an arm, so I'm learning how to ignore that annoying voice inside of me.

            The sun is finally down and now the fireflies are making their appearance.  The sight of those glowing insects floating over the river and through the forest makes me think of one thing:  Rin.  Rin running through a moon-lit meadow, chasing down fireflies, coming back with glowing hands held up if front of her, showing her Sesshoumaru-sama what she's caught, a wide, innocent smile lighting up her youthful face.  For a mortal, Rin's boundless energy is incredible, and it never ceases to amaze me.

            Rin…

            This is entirely your fault.

            You've made me soft, weak.  I should never have used the Tensaiga on you, girl.  Before, I could easily have handled Inuyasha, Wind Scar or not.  Now…just look me.  A disgrace.  Beaten back by a hanyou!  Before, I never had to worry about anyone, only myself.  With you around, I have to constantly keep an eye out, to insure your safety, to protect you from the demons that see you as a tasty little mortal girl.  Seven Hells… I should have just let them take your soul and be done with it.

            —Why are you making excuses for yourself?  You're the one who chased after Inuyasha again, not Rin.—

            _Shut up._

            —Oh, so we're down to "shut up?"  That's a bit déclassé for you, isn't it?—

            _I said—_

            —Yeah, yeah.  Shut up.  You can keep on deluding yourself all you want Sesshoumaru, but eventually you're going to have to confess to yourself that you actually care about Rin.  If you don't, I'll always be here to give you a rather large shove in that direction…— 

            _Never._

            For once, my "conscience" is silent.  I refuse to admit to caring about that girl.  How could I?  She has nothing to offer me.  She is only six years old.  What can she do for me, other than that give me a headache now and then?  She's an annoying tag-along, completely misplacing her trust in me—me, a taiyoukai that could kill her with a solitary finger, literally.  I will not give into my weaknesses, like my father did.

            My internal argument has distracted me—someone's coming, a mortal, following the riverbank, and they're rather close.  I remain where I am, because if this human spots me, he'll have two reactions:  the smart one, and the stupid one.  He'll run like hell if he's smart, but if he's stupid, he'll try to attack me, and then he won't live to see his next sunrise…

            "Hello?" a female's voice calls out.  "Are you alright out there?"

            I don't respond.  She couldn't have spotted me—it's too dark for any human eyes to see clearly.

            "Come on, I know you're out there and that you're hurt.  I can smell your blood all the way over here."  She continues to close the distance between us and will be able to see me soon.

            What??  How?  The female isn't youkai and I'm not feeling the aura of a miko, so how?  And when the female steps into open, where I have a clear line of sight, more questions dance around my head.

            Looking right me, she places her hands on her hips, scowling.  "If you don't want any help, you could say something, instead of just sitting there like a bump on a log."

            I blink.  This human wench is not afraid of me.

            Still scowling, she shrinks the space between us even more.  Her moves are…graceful…for a human;  she doesn't stumble over hidden rocks and fallen branches and her strides are long, slow, and quiet.  She's not a bumbling clod like other humans.  She lowers herself down, a few feet away from me, to her knees with more elegance than some noble ladies ever could muster.

            "Do you want help or not?"

            I ignore her, turning my gaze to a point beyond her.

            She crosses her delicate arms over her chest.  "Look, I got all night and I got more patience than a cat.  So, go right ahead and be an ass—I'll wait right here until I get an answer out of you." 

            Any other time, I would have ripped her head off, but her actions have piqued my curiosity, so I let her live.  For now.  "No."

            A small lopsided grin creases her face.  "Ah, so you can spe—"

            "Why are you still here?" I growl.

            Her grin only increases.  My irritation, along with my curiosity, is increasing as well.  "Careful.  You keep growling like that and people will start to think that you're an inu youkai…"

            This response brings a frown to my face and I take a closer look at her face out of the corner of my eye.  She's young, not much older than the hanyou's mate (she's his mate, but he's too stupid to realize it yet), with elegant features and a long, pitch black braid falling down her back.  Her expressive eyes are light hazel, almost gold, like mine…Wait…Those hazel orbs aren't truly focused on me, she's only looking in my general direction.  No wonder she isn't afraid of me—this girl is blind.

            —Good thing too.  Wouldn't want a human to see you like this.—

            _I thought I told you to—_

—Touchy.—

"What makes you think that I'm not?"  I put a bit more snarl into my voice, to make it perfectly clear what she's dealing with.

Her head pulls back and she blinks in astonishment, but then chuckles quietly to herself.  "Because.  There are no youkai in this area—my village has a demon exterminator and he's gotten rid of them all."

I'm sorely tempted to find this village of hers and go on a killing spree, teaching the humans that they should never let their guard down, like this wench has.

Nibbling her generous lower lip, "Are you sure that you don't need any help?  I can tell that you're pretty messed up—I can smell your blood and you're covered with mud," she edges closer to me, her face pleading.  "I-I could at least help you clean up, or just your robes.  I may be blind, but I could do that."  She shifts slightly, a faint coloring coming to her cheeks.  "If you don't want to…I can understand, but it's not like I can see you.  The only way I'd be able to know is if I get all touchy-feely with you and I doubt you want that."

Unbelievable.  The female's boldness…it's like she fears nothing…like Rin.  Except her fearlessness comes from her inability to see the dangers around her, while Rin's comes from the naïveté of childhood.  I start to glare at her, in attempt to silence her prattling, but then realize that she can't see what I want, so I silently slip out of my outer kimono and thrust it into her face, effectively shutting her up.

She had an irritated look on her face when she pulled my kimono off of her head, mussing up her dark hair.  "You could've just said something instead," she scowled.  Her delicate fingers trailed over the fine silk of my robes and her irritation was replaced with surprise.  "…My Lord."  An elegant bow of her head and she gets to her feet.

—I'm impressed.  You let her live.—

_She knows her place._

—And is that the only reason…?—

_Bite me._

—Hmph.  And you said Inuyasha was worthless…  Isn't that something he'd say?—

I mutter something vulgar under my breath and go back to watching the wench.  She's hitched up her dark green kimono to prevent it from getting wet, now that she's waded part way into the river.  Her fingers keep trailing over my kimono, searching out the stains.  Apparently, she finds them all and begins to scrub them away.  Meanwhile, I enjoy the silence—I've always found the sounds of moving water oddly comforting.  And comfort is something I need—despite my youkai ability to heal rapidly, I'm still a little sore.

Damn you, Inuyasha.  Damn you to hell.

Another vulgar word escapes my mouth and I close my eyes and wait.

The wench joins me a short while later, settling down in the grass next to me, getting comfortable as if she's going to stay.

"Your clothes should be dry by morning," she says quietly.  Then she does nothing, absolutely nothing, just staring blankly into the sky.  She isn't going to leave me be.

—And yet you don't kill her.  Let me guess…Curiosity again?—

_Perhaps…_

Without a word, the wench changes positions, laying down in the grass;  curling up into a fetal position, she nuzzles her dark head into her arms, which are acting as a pillow.  What the hell?  "Don't you have a hovel to sleep in?" I ask dryly.

She curls deeper into herself.  "Yes, but I don't want to be there tonight—I got into a bad fight with my younger sister.  I just don't want to be around her right now…"  A soft noise of disgust slips past her lips and she starts to tug one of her sleeves back down, but its too late—I've already seen it and I've taken her tiny wrist in my hand, dragging her closer so I can get a better look at her arm.  "Hey--!" she squawks, struggling to pull free, but its no use.  "Let go!  Please…"

From what I can see, her entire arm is covered in dark, ugly scar tissue.  It appears to be an older scar and it might travel beyond her frail-looking arm.  "How did you get this?" I demand.

She still tugging at the grip I have on her wrist, pleading with me to release her.

"How?" I repeat, tightening my clawed fingers about her arm, making her cry out in pain.

"A-a fire, when I was little.  Now, let go, you're hurting me…"

I have my answer, so I oblige.  I expect nothing more to come out of her, but no, she goes into detail…

"My sister says I got off lucky…"  A humorless laugh bursts out of her and she puts her back to me, shedding her kimono, exposing her back—I was right, the scar does travel beyond her arm—it covers most, if not her entire, back.  It looks like it had been …painful for her.  Covering her form back up, "She has some scars on her face.  She blames me for them.  Whatever.  She can at least see.  I haven't seen for over six years.  All I have left of what the world looks like are memories, and they're starting to fade…  I do remember that this place is good for fireflies;  I can remember them lighting up the entire forest when I was younger."  She sighs and falls silent.

Once again, curiosity raises its ugly head… "If you're blind, how are you able to move around so well?"

She gives me an odd look.  "Never been around a blind person before, huh?"  Another sigh, and she continues, "I can't see, so I depend on these…"  She wiggles her fingers and touches them to her ears, nose and lips.  "That's how I knew you were here—I just…sniffed you out.  My other senses are better than a normal person's, so I can navigate fairly well.  That and having a good memory helps too."  Bowing her head, her shoulders fall as a heavy breath leaves her.  "Forgive me, my Lord.  I shouldn't be dumping my burdens on you like this…  Sleep well."  She resumes her former position and is soon asleep.

For the second time in my long life, I'm not sure what to do or say.  I had the same reaction after I brought Rin back with the Tensaiga and discovered her following me.  I could have killed her, but I didn't.  The same applies here:  I could have killed this blind girl, but the thought has yet to even enter my mind.  Am I turning weak?  Is my father's curse being passed down onto me?

I can't let that happen.

Turning my gaze in her direction, I start to think of the most painful way to get rid of her, but all those images halt when I see her curled up on the ground, sleeping peacefully, as if she didn't have a care in the world.  But she does—she shoulders her burden, literally, every minute of her life, unable to slew the demons that taunt her.  And yet she continues to persevere, in a situation where I would expect most humans to break down and hide themselves from the world, or even kill themselves.

As much as I don't understand my father's choices, I understand humans even less, particularly this individual.

I don't know how long I sat there, just looking down at the girl, but when I look up again, I can see daylight starting to creep over the eastern mountains.  I can hear Jakken calling for me in the distance.  It's tempting to remain hidden from him a bit longer, drive him a bit more insane, but Rin is probably with him…  Getting to my feet, I glide over to the boulder where the girl has spread out my kimono.  She was correct—my robes are dry.  It feels good to be fully clothed again and I set out to meet Jakken and dispel his fears.

** * * * * ***

            "Sesshoumaru-sama!  You're alri—oof!"

            I almost smile when Rin shoves past Jakken, knocking him to the ground.  Attaching herself to my leg, "Rin was worried about her Sesshoumaru-sama!  Is Rin's Sesshoumaru-sama okay?"  She looks up at me with shiny brown eyes—she's been crying and I can smell the saltiness of her tears.

            "I'm fine."  I manage to pry her off of my leg and start to walk away.  To where?  Anywhere but here.  I don't even move a few steps when I hear a scream coming from the riverbank.  It's a familiar scream.  I try to shut out the sounds of her cries, but I can't.  I snort in disgust, disgust aimed at myself.  "Jakken," I bark.  "You and Rin stay put.  I have something to attend to."  I leave them behind, Jakken shouting my name.

*** * * * ***

           My youkai speed brings me upon them in seconds.  I can hear her screams and their crude remarks before I can see them.  There's three of them, all pawing at her and she screaming, begging them to stop.

           _Disgusting filth_, I snarl.

           That snarl was more vocal than I had thought—all the men freeze and look up at me in fearful awe.  I snarl again, repulsed by their actions, and their stench—they're drunk and the smell of sake practically radiates off of them.

          One drunk staggers to his unsteady feet and is soon followed by his comrades.  "A youkai!!" one man screams.  As one, they bolt.  They're dead within moments, my poison claw leaving nothing behind.

           Sniffling, the girl straightens out her kimono.  It appears that she hasn't been seriously harmed.  "You-you came back…"  She wipes a tear from her cheek and stands, her legs a little shaky.  "Why would a-a taiyoukai save a worthless human like me?"

           I have no answer for her.  Could it be that I feel guilty over leaving her like I did?  If I hadn't, she wouldn't have been accosted…  I shake those thoughts away.

           "Th-thank you, my Lord."  She bows again, but this time using her whole body instead of just her head.

           Saying nothing, I turn to leave, but am halted again by her voice.

           "Wait.  Please."  She stumbles forward, her hands outstretched.  "I have one favor to ask:  I would like to know the face of the inu-youkai lord who saved me.  May I?"

           I almost shove her away, but oddly, I allow her to do what she wishes.  Her small hands caress my face and her fingers trace the outlines of my features.  It almost tickles.  A finger follows my jaw line up to my ear—a small smile forms when she discovers the point it has—and trails back down to my cheek bone.  Another finger follows my brows and down my straight nose to my mouth.

"You'd have to beat the women off with a stick if you smiled more," she murmurs as a lock of my silver hair falls between her fingers.  (A/N:  Am I the only one who is EXTREMELY jealous of this girl???? XD) 

As soon as her gentle explorations have started, they're over.  She backs away, another smile warming her face, and bows again.  "Thank you."  Pivoting on her heel, she starts back in the direction of, which I assume is, her village.  "By the way," she throws over her shoulder as she comes to a stop, "my name is Rinako.  And don't worry—I won't tell anyone about the beautiful inu-taiyoukai who saved me today."

She smiles again and I watch her go.

I shake my head when she disappears from sight.

I swear I shall never understand humans, for as long as I live.


End file.
